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I finally managed to write something, even if it wasn't prose, it's still something.
I've been battling depression, illness and a number of other things, still am but I'm hoping things will start to look up soon.
I've been looking for a job ... with no luck. I've had a few loved ones pass recently and I have a family member in the hospital so there is still a lot going on.
But hey, I managed to write this didn't I? Something must be giving in. It's a depressing piece and it's out of my muse but, hey, it's better than nothing.
Suicidal LoveDear love
How long did it take for the loneliness to consume you?
Days of plotting you must have spent
Letters upon letters you must have written,
Your wastebasket full of crumpled up sheets.
Tears of sorrow and bloodied fingerprints ruin what were once words of apologies and goodbyes,
Now my own tears stain what is left of you now
Sad love
I guess we just weren't enough
The warmth of our embraces
you could not feel
Our love for you,
you could not see
At what point did you become blind?
Was it our words?
Did you feel left behind?
I'm sorry love
I'm not blaming you
I just wish you would have spoken to us
told us
shown us
the pain you felt but so well you concealed
We could have helped
We could have become better
For you we would have shot down the moon
Just to make you better
Oh love
Your room is so empty
And so is our life
We have nothing to live for
Our inner light, no longer shines
Goodbye love
We were forced to say.
Dirt covers you now
and a coffin you lay
No longer is it blankets
o
My Week for anyone that cares
My week started off with a bang. Last Sunday the parking breaks failed on the cart and rolled backwards into a vehicle while I was in a unit. Next day my day started off shitty with a spending ticket, which oddly enough was the highlight of my day, not the worse but work ended short with going to the office and being told I need to be sent home because I don’t have the proper shoes despite telling them I couldn’t afford them. To make matters even funner, I wasn’t the only one without said shoes that day but I was the only one sent home. So while I was over joyed to leave hell a lot earlier than expected and I get to stay hom
Another Morbid Update. Yay.
So ... I'll just skip everything that's happened between my post on the second and now and just stick with the main things.
My dog has a tumor in his nasal cavity. It's either cancerous, fungus, or just a large mass of meat that is just growing for whatever reason. If it's a tumor, radiation will only be effective for a year. If it's a fungus they can do something about it but ... over all he's not looking so good. He can barely breathe and he's lost a lot of weight because he can't smell, and he's just worked himself so much trying to get his breath. I've been by his side non-stop since I first heard him struggle to breathe through his nose
I've been pretty down for a while.
And I think because of my depression, it's weakened my immune system, because vitamins and a flu shot aint working. I'm sick in bed with the flu.
Last night I was so cold, I was under four covers (which is my normal ... because I'm that cold natured) and I had my room heater up to 77. It was like an oven in my room, and I couldn't feel it until my boyfriend gave me an aspirin and broke my fever. ... Then I spent the rest of the night trying to cool off.
I'm a bit better today but still very sick. I'm kinda bored because I can't go back to sleep. It's like, for the past two weeks, I've felt so exhausted and so tired, I could sleep anywhere.
I feel so empty.
I can't write.
I can barely think.
Every time I get upset, I start coughing and then that turns into a try not to throw up battle.
Hell I almost fell over just by getting in the shower.
I'm finding it harder to even verbally finish my sentences.
What the hell is wrong with me?
© 2013 - 2024 cannykins
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