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What will I come up with next?



Cadence had been standing there at the door for quite some time. Had it been one minute? Had it been five? Time seemed to slip away and drag on all at the same time. She took a deep breath and held her hands together to keep from wringing them again. She was going to knock this time.

Why am I so nervous…? I mean … she did say I could come and talk to her at any time….

Cadence parted her lips as she extended a hand, letting the anxiety that she held inside, seep out, at least all that she was able to part with. Her hand shook as it hovered over the wooden surface of the door.

I can’t … I just can’t. She’ll never look at me the same again.

Meanwhile Eclair had been leaning against the wall next to the door. She had been waiting for her friend to knock for seven minutes now. From the way Cadence had been acting lately, there had to be something bothering her. Why else would Cadence still be lingering outside her door, fidgeting around like a nervous cat? Whatever was eating at the girl, she wanted her to come to her when she was ready, but another minute had already passed by along with Eclair’s patience.

Eclair reached over and twisted the doorknob, giving the door a little yank to swing it open. She folded her arm back over her chest as she pushed herself of the wall, turning to welcome Cadence in.

“Are you just going to stand there with your arm stuck in the air, or are you going to come in?”

Cadence’s pale cheeks blushed at how silly she must had looked, “...How did you know I was here…?”

“I saw you coming … I thought I’d wait for your knock to let you in … but I got tired of waiting.”

She blushed and said, "I'm sorry... I just have a lot of things on my mind... things I want to ask. I mean…” Cadence bit her lip, furiously trying to find the right words as she stepped inside. “I’m just afraid … I’ll make things complicated or awkward … I … I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” she chuckled nervously.

Eclair shook her head, “Just have a seat.” She gestured Cadence to follow her into the kitchen. As she walked by the small table that centered in the room, she pulled out a chair for her guest, before taking her own seat in front of her.

Cadence’s hands started to wring again as she took the time to glance around Eclair’s home. The walls were bare, scarcely an ornament or doodad in sight. From what she could see of the place … it felt empty and hollow, devoid of any personality of it’s own. Only the necessities could be seen. A plush, leather couch centered the living room with matching recliners that faced one another from across the room. The TV hung from the wall with a coffee table filling the void in between it all. The kitchen wasn't much livelier. A brown marble pattern on the counter-tops was about the only thing that wasn’t white aside from the beige carpet in the living room and matching tile in the kitchen … though the white walls and the appliances made the rooms seem bigger than what it was. “...Your home is… nice… How long have you been living here?”

A smirk curled on Eclair’s lips as she rested her head against her fingertips. The forced compliment was amusing to her as it was somewhat flattering. “Two years.”

Cadence blinked, “Two years? It looks like you just moved in. … There’s nothing here.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Well no… kinda…yes… I mean it’s your home but … it just feels so empty and lonely here. … It could use some cheering up you know? The house I mean. … Maybe one day I could come by and-”



“I’ve been here two years Cadence. If I wanted the place spruced up, I would had done it myself long before now.” Eclair lightly drummed her fingertips against the polished wood of the table. “So, now that you’ve opened up … what’s been on your mind?”

“A … a few things…”

“Such as…?”

“Well … for starters… I am curious as to why you went back and saved Wyatt. It was risky … and you did it alone. … Why did you go out of your way to save someone … who’s not even worth it? I mean, not even Sam wanted to go get him, and they’re friends! … Or supposed to be anyways.”

Eclair stilled her fingers and sat straighter. Her fingers intertwined and clasped together, as she brought them to her lips. She looked rather thoughtful while she fished for her thoughts. “Wyatt is … not a good person. That much has been obvious. … However nasty he may be, he isn’t above redemption. I have a feeling that his captivity, although brief, has given him a lot of perspective. That is part of the reason. The other part, is that I was more than capable to do so. I don’t see the point in leaving someone to die when they can be rescued.”

“...Why did you make me stay at the car? … You said it was to make an escape faster if you had been pursued … but… it feels like you were just sparing my feelings.”

“That’s because I was. To retrieve him, I would have to go alone anyways. And let’s just face it you weren't going for him, you went on account of me.”

Her cheeks reddened, both from embarrassment and guilt, “It didn’t feel right … letting you go alone…”

“... In any case, I wasn’t about to put you at risk or allow you to put me at risk to save someone you could care less about if he lived or died.”

Cadence fidgeted, “Well okay … I guess I can see your point but how did you manage it? You weren’t gone all that long. What did you do?”

“That isn’t something I’m willing to discuss.”

“Why’s that…?”

“... I would rather you not know. Leave it at that.”

Cadence nodded, “I … I understand.” Her eyes moved from Eclair’s form to find a spot on the table to stare at. “So ...uhm… another thing I was curious about… I don’t mean to be awkward … I’m just …interested in you.”

“You find me interesting? … And here I thought I was just an ‘airhead that had the personality of a rock….’ This should be good.”

Cadence blinked, looking up at Eclair. Her expression was a mix of shock and horror, “You heard that? … Of course you did…” She cleared her throat, “... Well that was before I got to know you. … And I didn’t mean I find you interesting in that sense. Well, I do but … I mean…”

Eclair reached over and placed her hand over Cadence’s, forcing her to stop wringing them, “Take a breath and relax. Keep this up and you’ll rub your hands raw.”

Cadence took a shaky breath and held it while Eclair pulled her hand away, then slowly exhaled as she clinched her own hands shut. “...We haven’t known each other long … and haven’t been on the best of terms but… I’ve grown to like you… as a friend. And I… I’ve noticed that… I mean I’ve seen the way you look at other women… and men…I was curious if you were bi.”


“Pansexual? … What’s… I’m not familiar with that. Is it like bisexual?”

“All it means, is that I’m attracted to all genders. Not two, or some of them. I care about the person I’m with as a whole.”

Cadence’s grip, loosened at the sound of this. She felt so relieved to hear that. “Then… that means you could be with someone like me…?”

Eclair leaned back a little in her seat, tilting her head at her guest, “What? A woman?”

Cadence hadn’t even realize what she said until after it had already left her, “Er… Well… I was born a boy but … it’s been a little over a year since I got the procedure but now I’m one hundred percent female. … I volunteered for a um… magical procedure that changes the sex of a person. It’s in the experimental phases now and I jumped at the opportunity once I heard about it… People often think magic is instant. … For the most part it is but … for healing and other medical practices, it takes time and it’s quite painful … I had to be put under for- … shit, I’m rambling aren’t I? I mean, what I meant was, I was born a boy but now I’m a girl and… you’re the first person I’ve told… since the change. Other than… family and ...a very ...very mortified ex girlfriend…”

“...I see. ...You could had just said you were trans.”

“You know I ramble when I’m nervous. … I mean… what does that even make me? Lesbian? Straight? I just … I haven’t even thought about dating since my ex left me. It’s just so confusing. I feel like a freak for not even knowing what I am fully. I just-”

“Cadence… just stop. You’re going to drive yourself crazy. Call yourself whatever you want. What feels right to you. Gay ... straight … bi … whatever, it’s just a label that helps people compartmentalize certain aspects of themselves, that defines one aspect of what they are and similarities in others. You’re not just what you’re attracted to Cadence, so don’t worry about it. You’ve always felt like you were a girl yeah? Then … consider yourself gay if women is all you are attracted to if it makes you feel better. The label is not what is important. … What’s important is that you know what you like, what you want and that you are happy with yourself regardless. Are you happy Cadence?”

“I… yes, I’ve never been happier.”

“Then that’s all you need to be concerned with: you and your happiness.”

Cadence grew quiet for a few minutes, her gaze a mix of thoughtfulness and admiration.


“Sorry … I was just thinking.”

“About what you are?”

“No … about you. … I really just came here … well… I wanted to talk to you about all these things of course but, what I really wanted to ask is if… I mean. … I like you. I like you a lot. ...And this conversation just makes me like you even more. ...I guess I wanted to ask if you were single … and would you be willing … to try … to… be my girlfriend…?”

Eclair’s jaw went slack a little. She had a feeling Cadence had interest but she never actually expected her to say something. “...Well ...I…” She looked away from the girl and rubbed her arm as she fought through her hesitation.

“...It’s funny. I’ve seen you throw yourself into danger … and not blink. This is the first time I’ve ever seen you uneasy … or hesitant…” She looked away when she felt her eyes misting. “I… didn’t mean to dump this all on you. I just …when I’m around you I just …and I thought… I’m sorry. … Forget I said anything.”

“No … no it’s not you,” She sighed, “In all honesty … I want to say yes. But the thing is, I’m not a position where I can fully commit right now.”

“Why’s that? … Is there someone else or…”

“No. …I’m just in a position right now where I have to focus on my work. I wouldn’t be able to give you or the relationship the TLC you deserve or need. Doing so would just cause a lot of heartache and wasted time. And the situation … requires my full attention.”

“I could wait. I don’t mind-”

“Please don’t. Just … if you meet someone else you like, go for it. If you haven’t until things have been sorted out, I’d like to give it a try but for now. … I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you. It would be best if we stay platonic.”

“...Okay. I guess I understand…”


Cadence grew quiet for a few moments as she mulled it all over. If she couldn’t have Eclair for a lover, then maybe she could at least have her for a sexual partner. She already felt comfortable with her … and she hadn’t been with anyone since her transition, wanting to wait until she found someone she cared about. Eclair certainly filled that criteria. “...How about just friends with benefits?”

“...Say what now?”

“You know … stay friends but have the occasional roll around in the sack. … I mean, I wouldn’t ask just anyone of this. I trust you … and … hell, I think I’ve made it clear enough that I care about you. But, you know, the sex wouldn’t have to mean anything.”

“Uh … I’m not exactly sure if I should do that. … I don’t act like it or show it much but I get attached to people easily. … I’ll think about it but I make no promises.”

Cadence smiled, “That’s all I needed to hear.” She stood up from her seat. “Thank you so much for talking with me.”

“You’re leaving already?”

“Yeah … I’m running out of things to say … and I think we both need to recover from this chat anyways…”

Eclair rubbed the back of her neck as she got up from her seat while Cadence pushed her chair seat back under the table. “You don’t have to rush off but … I guess you do have a point.” Eclair walked Cadence to the door, opening it for her. “I’ll be seeing you then. Come by any time.”

Cadence started to walk out before she stopped herself. She turned around, pulling Eclair into a hug, “You don’t know how much this talk meant to me." As she pulled away, she gently placed a kiss on Eclair’s cheek. “I’ll see you.”

Eclair gave a quiet nod as she watched Cadence leave until she turned the corner, finally closing the door when she was out of sight. A sigh passed her lips, “And now my life just got even more complicated.” She pressed her forehead against the hardwood door, lightly bumping it against it. “Romance … my one weakness.”
The Talk
This is just something that has been rolling around in my head lately. It's been quite a while since I've written something like this, so I'm a bit rusty. Feedback is always welcome. I'd like this piece to be apart of a larger story but for now I'll treat it as a short story. I needed to get out a draft of what was in my head currently. I hope you enjoy it.

Some things to note:
- Yes I know I haven't really fleshed out what the characters look like, but they're starting to take shape, just not completely yet. I'll add in those details on another edit.
- it's been a while since I've written things. I'm fairly rusty. Im sorry if it's ... meh.
- I've never been good with environments but the way I pictured her home was more than a little bare. Eclair doesn't want to dust and clean needlessly so ... she doesn't invest in dust collectors. It's like a rest stop more than a home to her.
- Thats about all I can think of for now. Enjoy


cannykins's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I have always had an imagination. Writing used to be something I was good at, then came to be something I enjoyed. It never used to be a passion until recently; until I got the urge to share my stories with you, the viewers. I am but a novice, but I hope to improve as I go along in my writing. Someday I hope to publish. I wish I could draw. I would love to show the world my characters and scenes as I envision them, but sadly, I do not have the patience to learn art. I hope you all enjoy my work. I must implore you all to criticize and leave comments. Feedback fuels the urge to keep writing and improving.

Current Residence: The Moon
Operating System: Windows 7
Shell of choice: linkshell (FFXI)
Favourite cartoon character: Sailor Moon
Personal Quote: I don't like music that yells at me.
I finally managed to write something, even if it wasn't prose, it's still something.

I've been battling depression, illness and a number of other things, still am but I'm hoping things will start to look up soon.

I've been looking for a job ... with no luck. I've had a few loved ones pass recently and I have a family member in the hospital so there is still a lot going on.

But hey, I managed to write this didn't I? Something must be giving in. It's a depressing piece and it's out of my muse but, hey, it's better than nothing.
Suicidal LoveDear love
How long did it take for the loneliness to consume you?
Days of plotting you must have spent
Letters upon letters you must have written,
Your wastebasket full of crumpled up sheets.
Tears of sorrow and bloodied fingerprints ruin what were once words of apologies and goodbyes,
Now my own tears stain what is left of you now
Sad love
I guess we just weren't enough
The warmth of our embraces
you could not feel
Our love for you,
you could not see
At what point did you become blind?
Was it our words?
Did you feel left behind?
I'm sorry love
I'm not blaming you
I just wish you would have spoken to us
told us
shown us
the pain you felt but so well you concealed
We could have helped
We could have become better
For you we would have shot down the moon
Just to make you better
Oh love
Your room is so empty
And so is our life
We have nothing to live for
Our inner light, no longer shines
Goodbye love
We were forced to say.
Dirt covers you now
and a coffin you lay
No longer is it blankets
  • Mood: Neutral

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